Danika’s Accidental Freebirth
I love this stage of my life. A time when women ask me to attend their birth, instead of getting assigned to me in the hospital. It’s a huge honor to sit with friends as they dance their babies into this world.
Danika asked me to be her doula, but with it being winter we were both aware there was a chance I would miss the birth. I had already totaled a car on my way to her house so I think we were both hyper aware of the risk if the weather was bad.
Sweet Venna decided she wanted me there, starting the labor on a clear beautiful day. Ohh third babies, I should write a song. They are entering a busy, loud, full family and they often challenge their moms in pregnancy and in birth. It is there way of being memorable I think.
I come into a house that was quiet and peaceful, the twinkle lights on, soft music playing. Danika is swaying through contractions. It is obvious to me that we are in early active labor.
The midwife comes and declares that this is early labor. Her recommendation is a glass of wine, a snack, and a nap. With that she’s out the door. I’ll see you tomorrow wasn’t said out loud but we all heard it. I will be the first to admit that I have romanticized home birth. I pictured wise women sitting with mothers, no clocks and no agendas. When the midwife left I was shocked, but we are having a baby soon!
A glass of wine, a nice bath, the most amazing grilled cheese lovely made by mom, and then we did 3 sisters and tucked mom in for a nap. 30 min later she was up, her body said the time for rest was over.
Up in the kitchen Danika was frustrated, she believed the midwife and thought she was in early labor. She complained at the contractions for not being close enough or strong enough. I smiled, “Your body knows just what to do, your baby is on her way.” I had an idea. “What do you think of turning up the music and having a dance party?”
I wanted Danika out of her thinking, analyzing, rational mind. Danika can DANCE, and I knew it would be the thing to pull her out of her mind and into her body.
Her wedding playlist blasting and she starts to move, feeling the music gets her out of her mind, and the contractions get closer. One particularly strong one has her needing support, she leans into mom and her mother supports her as she dances and contracts. It was such a beautiful moment to see mom’s wise hands across her daughters chest.
I’m not needed in these moments, her team has her. Grandma and Erik support, encourage, and dance with her. I raid the fridge and start building a soup. Thinking to myself how perfect, they will have a nice nourishing soup to eat after they meet their baby. Chop the onions, dance and sing with Danika. Slice the carrots, and help her with the rebozo. It was so beautiful and fluid. I felt like the team coordinator helping her main team members (mom and hubby) know where to be and what to do.
Very quickly she is in the active phase of labor. She presses her face against the cool wall. “I can’t do this.” I tell her mom to start filling the tub. We drop to hands and knees as she relinquishes to transition. Erik and I taking turns reading the blessings written by her friend just a few weeks earlier. The three of us in hands and knees together.
This is my first birth fiddling with the birth tub, what a fiddly thing it is. Finally after much work it’s perfect. Danika sinks into the water and I remind her to enjoy the rest her body might give her. “She’s the most peaceful she’s been.” her mom coos.
“Should we call the midwife?” someone asks. “Not yet.” Danika replies. In the hospital this peaceful moment is usually missed. Having just climbed the mountain the body gives mom a break before she meets her baby. The quietude.
Erik did not plan on catching his baby. Venna had other plans. “Call the midwife!” I scramble to find the number as we hear the grunts of birth begin. I stood next to Erik coaching him on how to catch his baby. There is no panic or fear, he is ready. Mom stays at Danika’s head encouraging her daughter. A few pushes and baby girl is safely in dad’s hands. He expertly unwraps multiple twists of cord around her neck.
Mom and baby are united and there is a peaceful joyful energy in the air. Mom, dad, and baby get to fall in love with each other as we watch. I love those first moments, especially when it’s quiet and everyone steps out of their field. I love the sweet things mom and dad say to each other and their baby. I love watching a family grow and fall in love.
The midwife came in panicked and went straight to work making sure everything was ok and everyone was safe. The energy in the room changed from peace and love, to peace, love, and anxiety. We need to be aware of ourselves in those moments. Mom and baby are perfect, but the midwife needed hands on everyone to prove it to herself.
From the midwife leaving to a baby in arms was less than 5 hours.
Some babies need quiet, dark, twinkle lights, some babies need a dance party. Undisturbed birth, especially outside the hospital allows space for mom to get exactly what she needs.
Every birth has a lesson, this one taught us how easy it is for outside voices to get in our heads. How easy it is to be convinced by others that our body is not doing what it should. “Experts” are great, but every mother is the expert of her body.